WTF?

That was the nice way of saying it. Hubby sent this article to me about a young man in Florida who 1. is in the foster system 2. needs a liver transplant and 3. is being removed from the donor list because as a foster child he doesn't have stable housing for recovery.

I don't even know what to write here that probably isn't running through your mind. Florida in it's infinite wisdom spent millions fighting to save the life of a woman who was brain dead but yet a young man is being denied a chance at a healthy life. I know that transplants don't always work and that he has other health issues but does anyone else see a discrepency here? This of course from the state that believes kids are better off in a disfunctioning system rather than be adopted by a same sex couple. Ah yeah.

There are efforts being made to move him to another county and get him on those lists however nothing is certain yet.

Vacation Pics

This is the cottage we stayed at. It is actually two units but our family rented out both so we had the entire space to ourselves.

The property was filled with edibles. Plum trees, apple trees, cherry trees and these berry bushes. They looked so good, maybe we'll go back again when they'll be ripe.

This is what breakfast looks like for 7 adults and a hungry toddler. We cooked 18 - 24 eggs, 2 dozen biscuits and sausage gravy.

On Saturday my cousin and I spent hours canoeing up and down Russian River. It was beautiful , in addition to sunburn I also got some great photos. We came right up on this heron, it was beautiful.

Our final day and we went down to say goodbye to the river. Little Man loved the freedom of the outdoors. With no cats the doors were open all the time and he was free to run. This was as far as he could go down this path without a grown up.
A few blocks from our house was this great beach. It was really quiet and this boat looked so perfect floating there.

A final shot from our last night. We sat out on the patio every night with cocktails, watching the stars and just breathing.

Late updates

I really meant to blog over the weekend, really I did. It was Pride here in the city and there was so much to write about but I never got to it.

Sunday was also our Family Day, one year since we finalized our adoption of Little Man. It just truly doesnt seem like it has been an entire year. So much has happened and the year has flown by. One year ago we filled a limo with our family, of birth and of choice, and headed out to the court house. There we met our social workers and finally went before the judge. I dont remember a word he said, I just remember being overwhelmed with the feeling that it was finally happening. All the work, appointments and worry were finally being laid to rest.

We spent the day apart, Hubby and Little Man went to Pride while I went to work. It was the biggest pride Hubby had ever seen. We did go out the night before for Pink Saturday. We had a baby sitter and instead of having a romantic dinner for two we headed to the Castro. It quickly became aware that we were too old and too sober for the street party.

Little Man is doing well. His speech is making improvement and he has learned a new song. You all know the song but here is his version.

" Sunshine, only sunshine. Make me happy, skies gray. Never know dear, I love you. No sunshine away."


We are now officially on vacation. yes I have my laptop but hey I can't say I need it for blogging but I can use it for work. We've rented a house with our family of choice in Northern Cali. It is a great place with 4 bedrooms on a river. We are excited to be able to rest and relax in the quiet. Little Man will be able to run whereever he wants since the river is gated off. We are talking about sleeping in, breakfast whenever, bloodmaries and sunshine.

Little Man's big fascinations right now are Mr. Potatoe Head, Toy Story, carwashes, police cars and WallE. Not necessarily in that order but those are things that get him really excited. Speaking of we had to have a very complicated conversation with him. It went over his head but we had it anyway. I was going through his backpack the other day and found a toy in it. This doesn't sound exciting except it wasn't one of his toys. It was a toy from daycare. He had put it into his backpack. We explained that stealing was bad and taking things without permission was stealing. Today he had to return it to daycare and apologize for taking it.

When I was 4 I took a banana from a grocer store. My parents, once they realized I'd taken it, drove me to the front of the police station while explaining the concept of steeling. Needless to say I didn't steal again.

So much more but maybe tomorrow.

We had fun today

We had fun today. Daddy bought something new to stimulate a growing mind and foster a sense of creativity.


At first it was nice and neat. A little here and a little there. See how the colors mix and move!




But then.... oh and then!!



The fun didn't end there though. Oh no there were so many things that needed color! White, white everywhere: walls, towels, and even tubs. They all look so much better with the touch of my little fingers.

Little steps

One of the things I haven't written about is Little Man's speech. I can't remember if I've written much about it so I'll give a synopsis and update.

We noticed last year that Little Man was having some issues with speech. It was like he wanted to use English words but couldn't get us to understand them. He was getting frustrated because his words didn't register with us. It wasn't complete jibberish but the words we got were few and far between. We taught him a few signs to help alleviate the frustration and worked really hard to understand him.

Our Dr. wanted us to get him into speech therapy because she was concerned about it. His hearing tests are normal and he understands a lot so we know it isn't that. It must be something else and so they want to tackle it right away.

Little Man is part of a program that has the MOST amazing services, services that are however not in SF. We have to drive across the bridge and then some. It's not a horrible drive but the idea of doing it every week seemed tough. The Dr. and Case Worker weren't happy but they got us a referral to a big university here in town. Here is a post about my last visit there. We waited, waited and waited for the appointment. I called the university to find out what is taking so long. Never heard of us, no referral. I call our Dr. and find out yes indeed it had been faxed but they would gladly fax it again. I give them the name of woman I spoke to at the university. They did get it that day. They set up an appointment for an assesment. We go in and the office houses all pediatric therapies: speech, occupational, physical, etc and to a toddler all the physical therapy tools look like toys. He wants to play. Instead they take us into a closet, yes I think it really had been a closet, to do his assesment. The room barely holds the 3 adults and toddler at a short table, there is nothing on the walls and just bright light over head. She whips out a binder and begins to drill him on words, images, etc trying to test his language. I was bored in minutes and Little Man wanted to go play. She wasn't patient or understanding with it and made her decisions that he had language delays, motor skill delays, and what she thought his levels were. She needs a name.... Ms. Priss seems to fit. Ms. Priss tells us she'll write up the assesment and get it to our physician and to the pediatric therapy office and if we want she can do the therapy. We told her we'd let her know after we talked to our Dr.

We waited, waited and waited to hear from our Dr. Nothing and in reality we got caught up with things. On our next appointment with Dr. she asked us if we had scheduled the assesment. Surprised I said yes it had been two months past and she should have the report. Nope, nobody had received one. Now the best thing about the clinic we go to is EVERYONE talks to each other directly. I was not happy. We decided then and there that we wouldn't be using the university services and instead would use a smaller non-profit here in town, but again we needed the assesments.

I put a call into Ms. Priss and left a message. The next day she called to tell me that yes indeed the report had been faxed to our Dr. and maybe they should look for it again. As I was explaining how well it works over there I could hear someone in the background trying to tell her that nobody had ever sent it!!!

After several struggles and me losing my temper on a poor unexpecting therapist everyone got it together to start speech therapy. Brian, the poor speech therapist, had caught the full end of my frustration as I explained to him STRONGLY how tired I really was of assesments, reports and paperwork. That in 6 months I had seen enough paperwork and it had yet to actually help my son. He called the office and got the first appointment set. I have apologized to him since then.

Little Man loves Brian and so do we. He is a big burly guy who looks like lots of our friends. He has a very real expectations of what a toddler can accomplish in the appointments. He knows how to make the therapy seem like a play date. He spends lots of time teaching us how to help Little Man's speech. He gets on the floor, plays games, eats snacks, and tells stories. You know the things toddlers are fascinated with. Last week we went over the universities' assesment. He was having troubles reconciling what the report said and what he'd seen with Little Man. The report painted a severe issue and very low levels of understanding. I explained to him about the closet, the binder, and the "toys" on the other side of the door. He shook his head in understanding.

Little Man still has some hurdles, about 40% clarity right now, but he is making advances. He is finally using three word sentences although he is missing pronouns and adjectives attached to nouns. He is making advances though.

One of the things we've been working on is asking for things. Getting Little Man to use clear sentences for his wants. Brian had an apple I had cut up and was getting Little Man to say " I want apple please." After the 4th time, Little Man got up walked over to the fruit bowl, pointed at it, looked to me and said "I want big apple please." Brian and I laughed, he had definitely made his point.

We love Brian and so does Little Man. It is amazing how much good rapport will help in therapy. It is because they get a long so well that I think Little Man is making such changes, that and Brian is happy to teach us as well.

Looking back

Yondalla suggested looking back at some of my old posts for inspiration and to bring them forward again for people. I've spent the whole day wondering where to start. So much of the stuff in the beginning was working through the process, talking about politics, school, etc. Today I looked at Little Man. He is such a big guy now, full of life and energy. We sang as he took a bath. My boy, my son was putting bubbles on his face to have a beard like mine. He is fascinated with men's beards and keeps asking for one. It makes me laugh to try and explain to him that he won't have one until he is grown. It makes me cry to know that time is flying so fast already, I don't want my baby boy to have a beard yet.

This is from the day that we met Little Man (Baby R).

Well the last two days have been absolute whirlwinds. I can't even tell you where the time has gone, well with the exception of three wonderful hours. Thursday we finally got to meet Baby R. We walked in and there were two babies?!?! The first one we laid eyes on was a newborn who was so tiny. This couldn't be ours, ours was almost 4 months old and was said to be big. We then noticed one of the social workers holding a BIG baby who was giggling and blowing bubbles. That was our baby. Being selfish, I walked right over without saying hi to anyone and he was handed over. I sat down and began to turn into a blithering idiot. For ten minutes nothing but nonsense came out of my mouth and I completely forgot anyone else was in the room. Finally I noticed the Hubby sitting next to me smiling at the me and I asked the dumbest question in the world. "Do you want to hold him?" I didn't wait for an answer I just handed him over and let them have their intro time. The circus was in full swing, multiple social workers, foster moms, and kids. People were talking a mile a minute from three directions, about appointments, meetings, hearings, daiper rash, formula, coloring, etc......

I remember this day so vividly. My g-d we were so nervous and so excited that morning as we drove to see this child that would become our son. We hadn't even seen a picture of him at this point, just a few notes scribbled from a phone call and a few official forms. I hadn't slept at all and my stomach was in knots as we pulled up in front of the house. Hubby and I sat there in the car looking at each other. So unsure of what we were about to do, afraid to walk in there. Yet we did. Boy if we had only known how much our lives would change that day.

I've dropped classes for the semester, by the time he comes home I would have missed my maximum amount classes and i'd rather just stay home anyhow. Now I have to decide about work. I started a job two months ago, part time hours with full time responsibilities. They knew about our adopting and that it might change things. Now that I've been in the position for two months I understand a lot more. I think that i'm not such a good choice anymore. Not from lack of skills but from lack of availability and lack of focus right now. They need someone who's schedule is more flexible and who's first focus is on the job. Obviously mine is somewhere else. I have to have the discussion this week, we've already broached it when I first found out about R. The immediate response was well just find a good day care. Daycare is not and never has been part of the plan for the first two years, no matter how old the child turned out to be. We wanted there to be a stable home with someone always there for the child, once we are all settled in, bonded and working together (not so obvious with a baby as with a toddler) then maybe but not now. The downturn is the money was nice and of course would help pay off some of the holiday shopping and trips we've taken recently. So if I quit the job it means cutting back a lot of my spending, which I should probably do anyhow. My book addiction is bad and of course new spring shoes are out.

There are some things that don't change it seems. I still struggle to balance work with home. The job has become easier in some ways and more challenging in others and I still wonder why I stick with it. I love my work but it always seems like I'm playing catch up. Doing a full time job on just two days a week is challenging. I haven't been able to pick up any classes but I don't regret the delay. Being able to stay home with Little Man has been the greatest decision ever.

Dry spell

As you've noticed I haven't blogged as much lately. Part of this is I'm in a dry spot where I need a little motivation to blog again. I'm not sure what to write about in this blog, I mean how entertaining is the everyday of my life? Election politics, well I'm not very motivated because none of the candidates are people I can get 100% behind. I am a motivated to write about the upcoming gay nuptials, including ours, here in California. There are a few posts I've started about our recent trip to the South. Mostly the weather sucked, too damn hot to go outside for the whole trip and a toddler who was tired of being inside. What does that tell you? But there was country fried steak involved so it all worked out.

Part of it is that between Little Man, work, ADD, etc I'm usually to brain fried to put two thoughts together. I know that I need more discipline in my writing, I really do want to work on it.

So you my dear readers, yes all 4 of you, are going to help me. Your assignment if you should accept it is to ask me 3 questions that you'd like me to answer. If it is too personal then I'll write about why it is too personal. You email me this weekend and I can start writing on Monday when I get back. Yep, I'm off again.

I'm leaving town this weekend for a friend's birthday. Just me, him and 35 other people are going out of town to be irresponsible for the weekend. Work is driving me crazy to the point that I'm not sure I like my job, Hubby said to go and hey I got a stimulus check. So I am looking forward to sleeping in, staying up late, and going on my own schedule.

Happy Anniversary

Forty-One years ago the Supreme Court issued it's ruling in Loving v Virginia. This historic ruling decreed that states could not inhibit the rights of individuals to marry regardless of their race. This ruling swept aside all marriage limitations based on race or racial identity. This single decision not only turned over many state rulings but also the Supreme Court's own affirmation of racial limitations in 1889 (Pace v Alabama).

Here we are now four decades later waiting for our own equality. Yes the California Supreme Court has decreed that marriage limitations based on sexual orientation are unconstitutional. Yes the state will begin issuing marriage licenses on June 17th. It however is not time to celebrate quite yet. We can't sit back and celebrate until once again we turn back the attempts to add discrimination in the state's constitution. There are many organizations that are fighting this hateful amendment. While I feel that this is important, I think it is more important that we speak with our own voices. We will defeat this by 1. engaging our friends, family and aquaintances about their own feelings 2. We must vote! This is one of those decisions where every single vote will count. If you care in the least about the rights of individuals to legally protect their families you must be there to vote. If you live outside of California and know someone here, call them. Remind them to vote. Remind them that this matters not just inside California but this will lead the way for others.

I don't know what will happen in November. I want to be optimistic and I'm really focusing on this amendment failing. We've made our appointment to get our license. I'm not sure what we are going to do for a ceremony yet. It will be our 3rd marriage and really how many times do we need to do this. I can only swear to be a virgin bride so many times. LOL We're leaning towards having the ceremony at our house and then having a champagne party afterwards. See, any reason to pop open a bottle of bubbly is a good thing.

I one day hope to hear the words that were issued in 1967, repeated to include me and my partner.

"Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State."

United States Supreme Court 1967